Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Memoirs of a Final Pregnancy

36 Weeks:

It is so difficult to make the decision for a pregnancy to be your last.  At least it was for me.  And I don't know why it was so difficult - I  have never wanted a gigantic family.  On some days, 3 kids feels like more than I can handle.  Our home is going to be a circus in a couple of short weeks!

This pregnancy has been nothing short of difficult.  From the extreme nausea in which I never threw up so I never found relief and lasted until 18 weeks, to the troublesome headaches that caused me to pass out and end up in the hospital.  After an MRI/MRA, I found tremendous peace in knowing that my brain was fine and functioning like normal - it was my body's reaction to this baby!  There were days when all I could do was pray to last until Jared got home from work.  It was pj's all day, cereal for dinner, who cares what the house looks like, survival mode.  So why was it so difficult for me to accept this as my last?

The last time creating a life.  This is one act in which I, as a woman and with my husband, get to partner with Heavenly Father to create life.  I am helping His plan move along, helping Him give more spirits the human experience, and building my own faith in the process.

It may or may not be the last newborn we have, though.  I still feel like there is a little girl somewhere, so we may look into adoption at some point. Time will tell, as will the whisperings of the spirit.

I am due 3 weeks from today.  My body is ready - I can feel it.  I am going to hang on to every painful move, every fitful night of sleep, every heartburn laden moment.  And then we'll get to meet this gorgeous little boy.  A 3-D sonogram yesterday showed us his delicious chubby cheeks!