Friday, October 1, 2010

Journal. BORING - Skip. Trust me.

When I started this blog, I meant for it to be a journal of sorts. Documenting our family, sharing my thoughts - good and bad. (I think sometimes we see only the positive that others blog about and assume that their life is reality. I avoid that.) But, this blog isn't private. Even if I made it private, those who are invited would still be able to see. Some of my journaling thoughts might seem silly, immature, or not even important. Alas, it is my journal, so I will share a few thoughts at the present.

1. Last week, I hit 60 pounds lost. That's a small child, people! My nephew, Aiden, weighs 54 pounds. I should strap him on my back, and go walk a mile to remind me what it felt like 60 pounds ago. 40 more to go. It's been hard, it's been long, but it's been rewarding. But...isn't that the way everything is in life? Everything that is rewarding is long and hard. The more you work, the better the payoff. I'm going to take a little break from "counting points" and enjoy my 60 pounds gone. I'm not going to "count points" during the holidays, as I so boldly stated last year, too. I'll get another 15 gone before December 1, and then enjoy what's coming!

2. My feelings still get tender regarding girl friends. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't get offended easily (maybe I'm wrong? Do I get offended easily, and am I the kind of person who you could answer that honestly to?). But this is one area where I'm not "offended," but rather wishful/hopeful/jealous of those who can make friends instantly. I posted about this last year, and got some amazing advice. I wanted a good girlfriend, something I haven't really ever have. I took the advice, and started being the initiator. Inviting, getting together, and doing girl things. But when those same girls got together, I wasn't invited. Zoo. Dinner with friends. Park. Shopping. It's a little hard to take sometimes, but I have a much different attitude about it now. See, I stopped doing the inviting for a little while - and I was never called, emailed, texted, what have you. Once I started doing the inviting again, I was able to spend time with some great friends. But once in a while, it's nice to be the one who is invited, you know? I started to feel like the girl who was invited so she didn't get her feelings hurt, but that sounds like being a 14 year old hormonal teenager! I didn't want that reputation, that stigma, because that's not who I was, what I was feeling, and it didn't accurately describe the situation. So I changed my attitude. I'm still going to do the inviting, because I love these women and I cherish their friendship. If they want to spend time with me as well, they will call/email/text/FB, what have you. I need to be the kind of friend that I want to have. Simple as that.

3. The aforementioned women from #2 - you aren't bloggers, so I know you won't be reading this. That's why I put it on my blog!

4. I adore Fall. This is my favorite season. After a long, harsh summer, the respite that fall brings is indescribable. Cooler temperatures. Pumpkins. Holidays. I love every bit of fall.

5. I want another baby. It's not the right time, and prayer has confirmed that. But it doesn't stop my heart from aching, and longing to have another bundle to cuddle. That is why I am so glad so many of my wonderful friends are having babies all over the place!! I ALWAYS have a baby to snuggle if I want one, and I am sure their mothers would be glad for me to take them off of their hands for a couple of hours. Tender mercy in my life.

6. I'm pretty sure I broke a small bone in my foot. Don't ask me how, but I did it once in junior high and so I know what it feels like. Ouch, annoying, but just needs to heal on its own. Bummer.

7. Remember last year when I said I was going to do a 5K? It's on again this year. I didn't do it last year because I was still too heavy to run. Now I'm not!! I just need to choose one, sign up, get my couch-to-5K music going, and start training.

8. I am ever grateful for being able to work from home. Being with my little ones. Writing down the hilarious things they say, being here when they don't feel good, disciplining according to their needs, and being a mom. Technology is a wonderful thing.

9. I have started getting up at 6am, reading 1 chapter in the scriptures, reading 1 article in the current Ensign, taking a shower, and then fixing breakfast and lunch for my bacon-bringer. I cannot express enough how doing this in the morning has enriched my life. If you know me, you know how much I LOVE to sleep in. I have given that up for a chance to have some peace and quiet in the morning, and I have been overflowing with joy, gratitude, love, and a sense of contentment that I don't think I have ever felt before.

10. "Life is busy, and I love it."


The Wilkes said...

So what a bummer in the friend dept. If it makes you feel better, I got invited to participate as an alternate in our ward's exclusive bunko group...which I kindly turned down. That made me feel're not good enough to part of the group but we'll be nice and you can show up one time as an alternate...oh thanks, I'll be right over...heaven's NO!

What about a workout buddy??? Two of my really good friends have come from being workout buddies. One friend I had this overwhelming feeling I needed to ask to workout with me. She was the complete opposite of me but when you spend 3-4 hours a week w/o kids and able to talk, you learn a ton about each other, which usually turns into a great friendship. Also, just the constant phone calls of "are we meeting tomorrow?" helps with continual conversation, you know what they're doing all the time, and it's just a great way to get to know someone.

Just a thought...

Jason and Amy said...

LOVE the honest post. so nice to see other people are 'normal' like me. You lost 60 pounds????? dang girl you are amazing. i have been trying to lose weight and havent been doing so well :/ i am having fun working out though so i am just going to focus on that and stop weighing myself for a while. I started couch to 5k a while back and loved it. i didnt get past week 2, but i plan on trying it again seems like a great program. that will be amazing when you finish your 5k!

about the friend thing. i have lots of friends lots of different groups of friends. i rarely do the inviting. to me that is the scary or intimidating role to have in a group of friends. so more power to you for being the organizer. that means you are the leader of a certain group of girls. i know i rely on certain people to decide or plan what we are doing, if they didnt we wouldnt hangout. so dont be too hard on yourself.

love seeing your kids all messy. my kids look homeless 87 percent of the time. which are the days we are at home doing nothing. love it.

annieareyouok said...

Oh Amber, I am so glad I didn't skip this! I felt like I was reading something I had written myself regarding friends. I'm still trying to work it out ;)

Congrats on loosing weight! That is amazing. So proud of you!

Look into the Turkey Trot. It's on or around Thanksgiving. I'm not sure of the details, but I think you can do a 5 or 10k. Good luck!

Love the phrase "bacon bringer".

I may try getting up early, too. I try to stay up after the baby's morning feeding, but sometimes that is at 5:00 and I'm not getting up for the before 6:00 if I can help it. When she feeds at 6:00 I have stayed up a few times and it was so nice, but sleeping in is sometimes necessary.

Great post!

Brianna said...

I feel priviledged that I was able to read your "journal" entry. It was inspiring, and had many things I could relate to in one way or another. Thank you for sharing. You are an amazing woman!