Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Person That Gets Invited

I consider blogging as my electronic journal. Sometimes I will share my thoughts and perspectives on things, and other times I will share silly and wild things. Some posts include pictures - others include just words.

This post is the latter, and encompasses my thoughts about good friends. More importantly - good girl friends.

I have friends. I am part of book club, I go to a play group, and I have friends that I will socialize with at church. BUT - I don't have friends that call me up for a girl's night. Jared and I don't have couples that we hang out with on a regular basis. This kind of bothers me because I know it's my own fault.

Don't you envy those girls who can make friends wherever they go? Not just good chit-chatty friends, but the kind of friend where they are instant best friends. Kind of like falling in love, but with a good girl friend. You love her, you love her kids, you love hanging out with her. I do have those kinds of friends - friends I absolutely adore, admire, and strive to be like. I want to call them and chat for an hour about nothing, or everything - whichever the moment calls for. But the feeling is not mutual. I may not be that friend for her. Well...I know I'm not. Haha, kind of like dating. =)

No no no, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Please don't read this as one of "those" posts! I want to be better. I want to make friends. I want to be the couple that's called up for a game night, or a dinner night, or something FUN! Trouble is...I'm not quite sure how to be that person. I've invited myself along to things, and it seems as though the company is always glad I come. But it's kind of embarrassing when you ALWAYS invite yourself along, you know? I'm totally selfish and want to be invited. I don't feel left out, and I don't get jealous of the couples and other girls who do get to do these things. If anything, they make me want to be the kind of person that gets invited.

I actually made a step towards this - towards being a good friend. I figured that if I'm not going to get invited, then I'll do the inviting! Good idea, right? I got together a fun group of girls to go out to dinner last Friday. Well, guess what happened? I got hit with a major sinus infection and was so sick that I couldn't get off the couch. Total backfire!

OK, so it's been a very emotional day for many reasons that I really won't go into...and I now officially have fat ankles (to make matters worse). My thoughts just seem to come out because of the emotions that are running wild in my brain. I apologize for this, but know that you all will give great advice.

So here's to you! How do you become that friend that's invited, without inviting yourself to everything? How do you make good friends without being pushy, or inviting yourself to places where you may not be wanted? I hope I am making sense here! Let it all out - I'm looking for criticism, and anything you may have to offer. I am a difficult person to offend...I promise!


The Wilkes said...

Well here is my opinion...

From having lived in several different places where I didn't know a single person beforehand, I feel if you want to make friends, YOU need to make the effort. I've found that some women have a lot of friends, so they are not actively seeking others to hang out with. Or there are women just like yourself and feeling the same way you feel, but just aren't bold enough to ask someone to hang out. I guess the bottom line is, you have to be the active one...inviting couples over for Sunday night dinner, going to movies, doing something fun with the kids. You have to be the one calling up to chat...especially after you've hung out a couple of times. I guess if you want to make good girlfriends/couple friends it's up to least in the beginning. I could go on adn on forever about this...just because I've been through and will have to go through it all over again in a couple of months. I think one of the best ways to break down barriers with a girlfriend is to call them up and say "can I vent to you about my child, my day, my fat ankles, etc", because every woman can relate. Just a few pointers...hope it helps! Good luck!

Franklin Family said...

I LOVE it! Thanks for the advice. And yes - you definitely know what it's like so I'm going to take your word for it.

Wendy said...

I agree with Erin. Sometimes I feel that way too but I have found that when you take the initiative then things work out in the end. sometimes it takes a few tries or you have to try several different people/couples to find ones that you really click with but you will. Its like being at the stake dances. you remember wanting to dance but not wanting to ask anyone. I was the kind of girl that decided that it I was going to dance I was going to ask, and I usually had a lot of fun because of it. So yes invite people over, call them up, go out to the park with their families, go camping, find something you like to do and then find someone else that likes to do it too.
We have a few friends that never invite us over so we ALWAYS have to invite ourselves over. but they always tell us they are so glad we called. sometimes people just get busy and forget to make it a priority to hang out and socialize. well there is my two cents! hope it helps.

Jason and Amy said...

If we lived in Tucson we would definitly be a couple to hang out with. I have always thought you were super easy to talk to especially as we got older. My advice would be to be yourself and show others that your interested in doing whatever they are doing. Even if you have to invite yourself a few times, eventually the people will wonder where Amber is and invite you.

Matthew and Courtney said...

Does that exclude sisters from the best friends category? :( I definately call you on random occasions to just chat and I for sure always want to hang out when we are in Tucson, or up here! Can I be the sister and a friend?

Adrian said...

I totally agree with the other comments that you need to take initiative if you want to do something. I’m sure there are tons of people that would love to hang out and do stuff but are too lazy to put something together (like ME for example)!! Seriously we should get together!! Every time I try to put something together, I get sick or something happens and messes it all up, so I totally know how you feel. Personally, I’m really bad about staying in my comfort zone and not inviting new people to stuff. (Maybe lots of people are like that?? I don’t know.)

Here is one more observation… if it has been an emotional day (week/month/pregnancy/whatever), it tends to blow things out of proportion. If one thing goes wrong, you tend to get worked up or sad about a lot more things! At least that’s what I do. Do you know what I mean? I bet you have a lot more friends that you realize but have been sidetracked with other things (again like ME)!! I doubt this helps at all, but as soon as things slow down and we get back into a routine in the next couple weeks then I will give you a call! Promise, promise, promise!