Friday, August 7, 2009

Lost

It's 3am, and I am listening to my baby cry.

He awoke at 1:30 for his middle-of-the-night feeding, and promptly threw it ALL up ALL over me. He has a bad tummy ache, and I am not sure why. He had one last night, too.

I can't console him. I rock him, he cries. I let his tummy settle and tried to feed him again, and he cries. I changed his diaper, and he cries. I don't know what to do.

Once I knew his tummy was settled, it was time to go back to sleep. I rocked him, burped him, loved him, snuggled him...and put him down. He protested, and is still protesting.

I hate nights like this because I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Me - who babysat a family of 5 every Friday night for 4 years, who took on all 4 of my nephews while my brother and his wife vacationed, who has been a "mother" ever since she could say the word - doesn't know what to do.

Thus, I am letting him cry. I did go back in to pick him back up once and burp him - just to make sure he didn't still have a bubble in there somewhere. He didn't. He wanted mom. I gave him what he wanted for a few more minutes.

Thus, I blog. I blog to organize my thoughts. Somehow, because I'm blogging about it, it's not as bad as it was a few minutes ago. At times like this, blogging is therapeutic. But for now, I'll listen to my baby cry and feel helpless. I know there's nothing else I can do for him, but let him learn how to go back to sleep on his own.

5 comments:

annieareyouok said...

oh amber that is so rough. new babies are hard even if you have babysat your ENTIRE life. they can't tell you what they want and they are upset so all they do is cry. every mother has had a night like last night. you want to be tender and doting and attentive, but after 6 weeks of that night after night you can only take it for so long. today will be better. try to rest.

Aaron and Jessica said...

I'm so sorry! I know how frustrating that is! I know at those times I just wanted to cry right along with the baby! But if you need a break today while James is sleeping, I'll take Sariah for you so you can sleep! Just call me!

bedonts said...

Those moments are SO rough. I remember feeling so helpless. If I can ever do anything for you, PLEASE let me know! Like Jessica offered, I too can take Sariah, or James (if he'll take a bottle) if you need/want a nap time, or even just some Amber time. Please don't hesitate to call!!

Jason and Amy said...

That is the worst. Carson was like that all the time, would cry and cry and cry and we couldnt do anything to make him happy. we tried it all bottles, diaper changes, rocking, stading, car rides, songs, taking him outside the works. eventually he grew out of it (or the surgery helped). Hope James grows out of it fast, that is so hard for momies

Sarah said...

sometimes that just what you have to do! there is nothing you can do for them, and you are exhausted, so you just have to let them cry! it will get better soon :)